Myself With You
by MyImmortal329
Summary: Set in Season 10, Carol and Daryl finally have a heart to heart.


Disclaimer: I own nothing from The Walking Dead. The characters belong to the creators of the television series and graphic novels.

Myself With You

He'd caught her toying with the little bracelet around her wrist on more than one occasion, and each time, she'd worn a little smile on her lips. The one tied around his own wrist was similar, but it meant more to him, because she'd made it herself and put it on him.

Sometimes, he had to look at her just to assure himself she was still there. He knew she was still struggling with everything. She'd gone away for a long while to deal with her son's death, and while he knew she'd had to do that for herself, he was grateful she was back. Still, he worried she'd leave again. She tried to leave after Terminus. She left again at Alexandria and secluded herself from everyone. Then she'd gone to stay at the Kingdom and live with Ezekiel and raise a child with him.

She'd spent so many nights coming out to find him when he'd been living by the river, and he didn't understand it. She never spoke much of life at The Kingdom, and it was even rarer that she mentioned Ezekiel. But Henry? She was proud of him. She lit up when she spoke of him, as if this kid had given her a chance to do things right since losing Sophia.

She still thought of him. He knew she did. At first, he'd wake every night to the sound of her cries. He'd catch her wiping her tears away during quiet moments. But now? Now, little smiles filled the silence, and he wondered if she was remembering the good times with her boy in their life back at the Kingdom with Ezekiel.

Since he'd put that bracelet around her wrist, however, the smiles were coming more frequently, and he was grateful for that. He hated seeing her sad, but he didn't want her hiding anything. He wanted her to take her own advice from years ago and let herself feel it. While it had been building inside of her for some time, she had to work through it. And he could tell she was trying.

Still, he worried he'd wake up one morning, and she'd be gone. And it terrified him, the mere thought of losing her. He was trying to use his words, to express himself to the people he cared for the most. He'd made breakthroughs with Lydia, was helping make the other survivors feel welcomed and a part of it all. But he still liked getting away, just with her. Sometimes it was a look or a nod in his direction that told him she needed him to take her away. And he would without question.

Tonight, they were set up by the river where his old camp once was. Dog was being properly spoiled by Lydia and Judith back in Alexandria, and Carol had been quiet since they'd had supper. But to be fair, he hadn't been a great conversationalist either.

"We should turn in," Carol said quietly from her seat beside him by the fire. Daryl nodded.

"A'right." He poked at the fire with a stick. He looked at her, and neither of them made an effort to move. Her knee bumped against his, and he felt the back of his neck grow hot.

"You okay?"

"M'fine," Daryl muttered, poking the embers a little more forcefully.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. He grunted in response. Carol sighed and wiped her hands on her pant legs before standing up.

"We should turn in." She turned toward the tents, when Daryl finally worked up his nerve.

"You gonna leave again?"

"What?" She turned back toward him, and he stood to face her.

"What is this?" he took a step toward her, and she searched his face for any hint of what he was going on about. "You left for months. I didn't hear from ya…and I get it. I know you were goin' through a lot, but it wasn't the first time ya left."

"Daryl…"

"What're we doin'? We get back to Alexandria, and a couple weeks later, you wanna go off again. And I'm glad ya want me there, too, but it's like ya don't wanna be there."

"I do, Daryl."

"You don't go to Hilltop. Ya don't talk to Ezekiel."

"I don't have anything to say to him. We said everything we had to say. We lost our son. It was horrible. I couldn't stay."

"You say that now, but…"

"But what? You think this is just a phase? You think I'm just going to heal and decide I need to go back to…to what? Go back to playing a part? It's what I've been doing since Sophia died. I couldn't do it anymore, so I left, and I can't go back."

"Playin' a part?"

"I grieved as long as I could let myself. And then I pretended I was ok, because I had to be. And then I pretended I was someone who could do terrible things to survive. And I did. We talked about it in Atlanta, that night at the women's shelter. But I didn't stop. I kept pretending, because I thought if I did that, everything would turn out alright. And then everything happened with Ezekiel, and I pretended to be this person he wanted me to be, that could be a mother to his son, and so I stayed. I loved that boy, Daryl. It was worth it for my son."

Tears filled her eyes, and Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat.

"M'sorry." He didn't know what else to say. She smiled sadly at him and shook her head.

"Daryl, the only time I feel like myself, like I'm not playing a part, is when I'm with you, when we go off and it's just us." She wiped at a tear that fell down her cheek. "I never wanted to leave you. We've been going in circles around each other and away from each other, and nothing's made sense for a long time. I left to grieve my son, to work and not think about how much I want to kill the bitch that killed him. And I left to think about what I want for the rest of my life. However long that is. For me." She took a shaking breath and wiped at her eyes again.

"What'd you decide?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"I don't know who I am," she whispered. "Except when I'm with you. You see me."

"You see me, too," Daryl said quietly. "Only person I ever felt got me was you." He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. Carol sniffled but managed a smile. "Don't wanna lose you again."

"I _can't_ lose you, Daryl. I missed you more than anything." Daryl went to her then, pulling her into a hug, gently stroking the back of her head as her arms tightened around him. She buried her face against his neck then, and he could feel the warmth of her tears there. He pulled her closer, and then he heard her whisper against him. "I love you." He held her close then, nuzzling her hair.

"Love you, too." He was shaking inside, and his hands trembled when Carol pulled away. She sniffled then, resting her hands at the back of his neck. She cocked her head to the side and gave him a smile.

"I _love_ you," she whispered. "I need this to be…I need _us_ to be…more." Her fingers trembled at the back of his neck, and Daryl felt like something burst inside of him. His head swam, and when he didn't respond right away, he saw the uncertainty crease Carol's brow. "Daryl?"

"You…you want…" His brows furrowed, and his tongue felt dry. He wasn't sure what she was saying, but his heart was already about to leap from his body. Whatever she was saying, his heart was happy about it.

"I want this. I want _you_." With that, everything he'd been uncertain about, all of his anxieties, everything he thought he knew went right out the window, and he pulled her into him, kissing her like it was his last moment on earth. She gasped against his mouth, pulling her arms around him, opening up to him. Her heart soared, and when he pulled back, he rested his forehead against hers for a moment, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself. She pulled back a little and smiled, running her thumb over his lower lip.

"I want this, too. Us." He kissed the palm of her hand, and she laughed through her happy tears. "I love you."

She kissed him then, soft and sweet, melting into his embrace until her legs felt like jelly. And when they turned in to bed that night, they went to his tent, hand in hand and ready to just be _them,_ together.


End file.
